Farewell and adieu, you ladies of Spain
My cousin Kate is 35 years old and has three children. She is quite pretty and likes to act like she's 25 whenever she gets the chance. Yesterday was one of those chances. She brought her 18-year-old Spanish exchange student to New York for the day and night, and they were staying with my younger cousin Ashley. The exchange student has been staying with Kate for over a month in her home in Baltimore. The exchange student was pretty cute, but not a knockout or anything.
So I planned a dinner at Tao for 6 pm, so they could make their show time for Rent. I arrive at 6 and no one shows up for around twenty minutes. Finally, Ashley shows up and says she is furious because Kate is standing in the waiting area with her Spaniard and they are both drunk. I survey the scene and see that Kate is definitely drunk but the Spaniard is totally smashed. However, Kate won't acknowledge that the Spaniard is totally wasted, so I have to walk her, stumbling and all, through Tao to our table. Mere moments later she gets up and starts to walk to the bathroom. She knocks into a statue which a busboy has to catch before it falls, then she knocks several place-settings off the tables on her way to the restroom. I yelled at Kate to go with her, but Kate said she didn't have to go to the bathroom. Anyway, Kate gets up to help as the manager comes over and asks us to leave. WE HADN'T EVEN GOTTEN OUR WATER SERVED AND I'M WALKING THIS DRUNKEN, STUMBLING SPANIARD OUT OF TAO!
After finally getting them into a cab, someone calls Ashley to tell her that they found Kate's phone in another taxi. I rush them back to my apartment. They then both go pee in the bathroom and clog the toilet. The toilet overflows. Ashley leaves to buy a plunger. The Spaniard goes to sleep. I clean the bathroom and plunge the toilet. Then I take a cab up to the Upper East Side to retrieve Kate's phone. I come back to Kate and Ashley nearing fisticuffs, because Kate is trying to get the Spaniard out of bed to go catch the curtain for Rent. The Spaniard, for five minutes, literally cannot put one shoe on. I totally lay into Kate telling her she'll probably get arrested if they go. Ashley leaves to get Kate and the Spaniard's bags because she has officially kicked them out of her apartment.
It is around this point that the roommate walks into this catastrophe. Kate tries to get him to go to Rent with her (btw, it is now 8:10 and the show started at 8:00). I then go into my room to order food, where, through the darkened quarters, I think I see the Spaniard throwing up all over herself. I lean closer to her and put my hand in a puddle, and find out that yes, in fact, the Spaniard is throwing up all over herself. I tell Kate and go wash my hands. Next thing I know the Spaniard is walking to the bathroom with no pants on. Kate turns on the shower, while I'm in there, and the Spaniard gets in with shirt and panties still on. I duck out of the bathroom, but the Spaniard starts complaining that the water is too hot. Kate tells me to come back in to adjust the water. I open the door and the 18-year-old Spaniard (legal) is standing there naked with the shower curtain open. I adjust the temperature, close the door and see the roommate hysterically laughing on the couch. I was worried that she might drown in the shower unitl we hear her in there singing some Spanish pop song like she was getting ready to go to work for the day.
After this Kate strips the bed down, throws everything in the laundry, smokes fifteen cigarettes, and comes back to see the Spaniard coming out of the shower with the towel around her body, and the BATH MAT wrapped around her head. The same bath mat that houses the roommate's disgusting feet when he enters and exits the shower, ON HER HEAD! Luckily she went to sleep after that. Kate finished the laundry, smoked fifteen more cigarettes and went to bed by midnight.
I woke up at 4:45 am to use the bathroom and they were gone. There was a note on the coffee table: "Sorry about last night. -Kate"
So I planned a dinner at Tao for 6 pm, so they could make their show time for Rent. I arrive at 6 and no one shows up for around twenty minutes. Finally, Ashley shows up and says she is furious because Kate is standing in the waiting area with her Spaniard and they are both drunk. I survey the scene and see that Kate is definitely drunk but the Spaniard is totally smashed. However, Kate won't acknowledge that the Spaniard is totally wasted, so I have to walk her, stumbling and all, through Tao to our table. Mere moments later she gets up and starts to walk to the bathroom. She knocks into a statue which a busboy has to catch before it falls, then she knocks several place-settings off the tables on her way to the restroom. I yelled at Kate to go with her, but Kate said she didn't have to go to the bathroom. Anyway, Kate gets up to help as the manager comes over and asks us to leave. WE HADN'T EVEN GOTTEN OUR WATER SERVED AND I'M WALKING THIS DRUNKEN, STUMBLING SPANIARD OUT OF TAO!
After finally getting them into a cab, someone calls Ashley to tell her that they found Kate's phone in another taxi. I rush them back to my apartment. They then both go pee in the bathroom and clog the toilet. The toilet overflows. Ashley leaves to buy a plunger. The Spaniard goes to sleep. I clean the bathroom and plunge the toilet. Then I take a cab up to the Upper East Side to retrieve Kate's phone. I come back to Kate and Ashley nearing fisticuffs, because Kate is trying to get the Spaniard out of bed to go catch the curtain for Rent. The Spaniard, for five minutes, literally cannot put one shoe on. I totally lay into Kate telling her she'll probably get arrested if they go. Ashley leaves to get Kate and the Spaniard's bags because she has officially kicked them out of her apartment.
It is around this point that the roommate walks into this catastrophe. Kate tries to get him to go to Rent with her (btw, it is now 8:10 and the show started at 8:00). I then go into my room to order food, where, through the darkened quarters, I think I see the Spaniard throwing up all over herself. I lean closer to her and put my hand in a puddle, and find out that yes, in fact, the Spaniard is throwing up all over herself. I tell Kate and go wash my hands. Next thing I know the Spaniard is walking to the bathroom with no pants on. Kate turns on the shower, while I'm in there, and the Spaniard gets in with shirt and panties still on. I duck out of the bathroom, but the Spaniard starts complaining that the water is too hot. Kate tells me to come back in to adjust the water. I open the door and the 18-year-old Spaniard (legal) is standing there naked with the shower curtain open. I adjust the temperature, close the door and see the roommate hysterically laughing on the couch. I was worried that she might drown in the shower unitl we hear her in there singing some Spanish pop song like she was getting ready to go to work for the day.
After this Kate strips the bed down, throws everything in the laundry, smokes fifteen cigarettes, and comes back to see the Spaniard coming out of the shower with the towel around her body, and the BATH MAT wrapped around her head. The same bath mat that houses the roommate's disgusting feet when he enters and exits the shower, ON HER HEAD! Luckily she went to sleep after that. Kate finished the laundry, smoked fifteen more cigarettes and went to bed by midnight.
I woke up at 4:45 am to use the bathroom and they were gone. There was a note on the coffee table: "Sorry about last night. -Kate"
posted by c mike at 11:54 AM
1 Comments:
did you atleast finger the Spaniard?
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home