"Rock 'n' roll can save the world"? "The chicks are great"? I sound like a dick!

I am so bored at work that I may slip into a coma. That paired with the torrential downpour keeping me from leaving my office has driven me unwillingly back to the Best Time Ever.

It has been so long since my last post, that I have so much to write, and yet nothing to write. I could catch you up on my dating life (frequent but without reward), my travels (hola, shalom, konichiwa fuckers), or my family life (aside from my crazy fucking cousins, the only news is that my sister had a baby). But honestly, who cares about all that, right? That's not why anyone reads this thing. Wait, does anyone read this thing? The only thing I could think of writing was a new theory on rating chicks.

Considering that guys have varying standards (JD will do anything with extra padding) and different tastes (JC loves the Indians), there must be a way to standardize the system of rating the opposite sex. I think I have come close to determining the proper allocation of ratings, and as an added plus, Dylan came up with some discrete labels to ensure that any eavesdropping bitches don't know what's being said. So here goes:

1 through 4
NAME: Dino
THOUGHTS: Untouchable under any circumstances
USED IN A SENTENCE: This place is chock full of Dinos, let's get JD over here.

5
NAME: Fred
THOUGHTS: Only hook-upable if you are black out drunk
USED IN A SENTENCE: Holy shit, I don't remember a thing from last night, all I know is that I woke up with this Fred laying next to me and I had to choke back some vomit.

6
NAME: Barney
THOUGHTS: Acceptable hook up after a few drinks
USED IN A SENTENCE: When we first showed up, that Barney grabbed my package and I pretended not to feel it, but at this point, I'm feeling like I'm going to maybe go stick it.

7
NAME: Wilma
THOUGHTS: Desirable hook up even outside of a bar
USED IN A SENTENCE: Did you see that Wilma? I would.

8
NAME: Betty
THOUGHTS: Dying to hook up with
USED IN A SENTENCE: Man, I called that Betty like eight times and sent her four text messages last night, but that bitch never got back to me. Well there's always tomorrow night.

9
NAME: Pebbles
THOUGHTS: Ridiculous, just plain ridiculous
USED IN A SENTENCE: No honestly, man I think I need to do a couple more shots before I have the courage to go talk to that Pebbles. Oh, fuck it.

10
NAME: Bam-Bam
THOUGHTS: Your dreaming
USED IN A SENTENCE: Holy shit, this place is full of Bam-Bams. We've got no shot, let's just go somewhere else.